Salman Taseer Tweets on Pakistani politcal Parties and their real face!

One of the best things about Salmaan Taseer was his wit. The following list of select Twitter updates from the late governor’s Twitter profile @SalmaanTaseer encompass his lighter side:

(Tweets have been proofread for readability)

TASEER ON PML-N

* MQM in Punjab? Excellent, all parties should go national.

* Sharifs are transporting Paul the Octopus to Raiwind to predict their future! I’m afraid he may end up in their Paya if he tells the truth.

* I only wish PML-N could get off the GT road and go national.

* In May I will complete 2yrs as Governor Punjab. Please send your flowers gifts etc to Raiwind to thank the Sharifs for their love and support.

* Noting with concern the Sharifs are only paying rs5000 per month tax. I have asked for them to be included in the Benazir Income Support Program.

* Let the Sharifs teach the UK Conservative Party the method of coalitions aka lota’s and forward blocks.

* I heard CM Punjab has joined Twitter after my debut. Imitation is the sincere form of flattery, bare mian to bare mian, chote mian subhanallah

* Perhaps the best thing Nawaz Sharif ever did was declare Sunday the national holiday.

* Like a newly married wife doesn’t take her husband’s name PML-N refuses to say TALIBAN.

* I need input what sharmili dulhan PML-N should call Taliban. Tweeters have suggested MERE VO or MUNE KE ABU etc…

* I’m writing to WWF to replace Panda as symbol of endangered species with Nawaz Sharif! In the political jungle he’s become extinct.

* News item today the US Govt wants to buy Governor’s House. I think the PML-N govt will sell it for $1 provided they take the Governor with it.

* Shahbaz Sharif threatens ANOTHER long march. If he can walk unaided from his new house in model town 2 Raiwind I’ll resign as Governor!

* Nawaz Sharif and George Bush have degrees. Jomo Kenyatta and Mao ze Tung had no degrees. Form your opinion!

* After a long time PML-N has come out Number one for the first time? Topped the list of fake degrees holders by a long way. Mubarik Chote bare Mian

* Initially I was targeted by PML-N, Islamic fundo hate groups etc. Now it’s Hindu lunatics RSS and Pak haters. I must b doing something right!

* Interviewing with Najam Sethi CM Shahbaz said Governor “honest good person”. Sethi “Govnor Punjab?” CM “no governor SBP!” I was shattered.

TASEER ON PPP

* Vo jo karz rakhte th jan par vo hisab aj chuka diya… PPP gave the 1973 Constitution and now PPP gives the 18th historical Amendment.

* 18 Tarameem ka matlab hai 2018 tak Zardari rehay ga!

* Told Bangladesh press delegation that by releasing Mujibur Rehman in 1971, Bhutto saved Pakistan from ignominy and shame.

* In politics there is no ultimate power and no ultimate defeat… 18th Amendment is good for the evolution of power… it is a victory for Pakistan.

* Signing of 18th Amendment by the President was a historic moment. Some people looked sad! Jahan shehnai bajti hae vahan matam bhi hota hae.

* Ranj se khoogar hua insaan tu mth jata hae ranj…Mushkelein itne pari mujh par ke ahsaan ho gayen

* The great Bhutto quoted that Ghalib sher before his judicial murderers in the Supreme Court.

* Like 1973 constitution what PPP sows is RAPED by others. This time Inshallah PPP will again be in power 2017.

* Perhaps UK Conservative Party should take advice from PPP as to how form a government with a hung Parliament.

* Of BB’s political life of 30 years she was in office 5 years only. Ironically she is more powerful in death than in her life as an icon visionary.

* I started my political career with Bibi witnessed the poisonous attacks on the Bhuttos. Today they are the symbol of the federation of Pakistan.

* Koi mere dil se puchay Tere teer e nim e kasha ko Vo kalaash kayan se hoti, Agar jagar se paar hota – Daily low-intensity attacks on PPP govt.

* Zulfikar Ali Bhutto once remarked, “politics is a ruthless game of mutual reciprocity.”

TASEER ON IMRAN KHAN

* Imran Khan says he can solve Pakistan’s Problems in 90 days: terrorism, power, population growth water etc. What about Imran? Who is going to solve that?

* People messaged me Imran Khan must be given a chance. Unfortunately for him and fortunately for Pakistan it requires 173 seats in the NA. Thank God for democracy.

* Does this mean we will never be a welfare state! RT @ImranKhanPTI vows to make #Pakistan ‘welfare state if PTI comes to power.

* Imran Khan and Sarah Palin is a match made in heaven.

TASEER ON INDIA

* I’m always amazed to see how eager to believe Pakistanis are when there is anything negative about their country unlike Indians who cover up.

* The killing fields of Kashmir have overtaken Palestine. Under the cloak of shining India is a brutal story of murder, rape and suppression.

* The Indian occupation of Kashmir is an exact parallel of the Israelis in Gaza. Same tactics, same brutality.

* I am anti Indian hegemony and brutality of Kashmir occupation, otherwise I support friendship and trade with India as well as Arundhati Roy and Aishwarya Rai!

* We pray for the heroic brave people of Kashmir. InshAllah may 2011 bring them azadi from the brutal occupation they have faced for so many years

ON HUMANITY, TOLERANCE AND TERRORISM:

* Leaving for district jail Sheikupura to see Assia Bibi with mercy petition from President Zardari.. Hum ne gulshan ke tahfuz ki qasm khai hai

* It is a time to stand up for Pakistan. I do not fear the terrorists. Never give in.

* Want all Pakistanis to stand firm behind the army and support your troops. A united Pakistan under one flag.

* How can the ISI aid Taliban who are killing Pakistani troops ? Irresponsible selective WikiLeaks are poison.

* I’m not a conspiracy believer but there are shadowy spook agencies that cannot see Pakistan as an Islamic moderate democratic nuclear success story.

* Held press conference in Sheikupura jail with Aasia Bibi. Got her clemency petition signed to forward to President Zardari. Said we want Jinnah’s Pakistan.

* The white strip in our flag is for minorities. Our religion commits us to their protection. She is a poor woman who could not defend herself.

* In South Africa, Interior Minister Botha said they will release Mandela if he renounced terrorism, to which the great man replied, “first Botha renounce terrorism”. So they had to release Mandela on his own terms as the jailers had become the prisoners. A lesson in moral authority. You can detain persons but u cannot arrest ideas which is why prisoners of conscience are always free

* Trader bazaari mullah axis pressure from the street supporting blasphemy law.Same crowd that agitated against PPP in 1977 & welcomed Gen Zia

* Demonstration against Blasphemy Laws & Shariat Court in Islamabad. Stand up, be counted.

* Held a Quran khwani for BB at Governors House. Very well attended, emotional, lots of students

* Merry Xmas to all Christian brothers and sisters all over Pakistan. We respect ur patriotism & great role u have played building Pakistan

* Someone anonymously sent me a White gold taveez wth MSG “Allah nige baan”. I was very touched & am wearing it

* My observation on minorities: A man/nation is judged by how they support those weaker than them not how they lean on those stronger

* The best thing we can do for our soft image this Xmas is to dress up Maulana Fazal ur Rahman as Santa Claus. He will be a big hit

Was in Camp Jail Lahore charged with murder and terrorism and 15 Danish students wrote to me that I was their “symbol of courage”. Never forget

* Happy Diwali and best wishes to all our friends.

* Mullah backlash attacking my stance and demanding my resignation. Rakhte dil bandh lo Dil farrago chalo. Phir hami qatl ho ayen Yaro chalo

Aasia bibi case mobilized public opinion against extremists like Rosa Parks in US South.

* Religious right trying to pressure from the street their support of blasphemy laws. Point is it must be decided in Parliament not on the road.

I was under huge pressure to cow down before rightist pressure on blasphemy. Refused. Even if I’m the last man standing

Mera azam itna buland hae, Parae sholon se dar nahin. Mujhe khauf hae to Aatish e gul se hae, ye kahin chaman ko jala na dey. Significant

Covered in the righteous cloak of religion and even a puny dwarf imagines himself a monster. Important to face and call their bluff.

* Today is the birthday of the great Quad e Azam. We need to pledge to uphold his liberal progressive humane version of Pakistan.

* Javed Ghamidi Islamic scholar says blasphemy laws are against Islamic tenets.

My advice 2 mullahs who r telling little madrassah boys that they have a ticket 2 heaven: Grab it urself or give it 2 ur son

Knowledge can only thrive in a liberal atmosphere!

OTHERS

* Police beating doctors… Doctors beating media… Media beating lawyers… Lawyers beating police……….. Circle complete!

* Kuch unj ve ravan aukhian san, Kuch gal vich gham ta tauk vi see, Kuch shehr de log vi zalm san, Kuch sanu maran da shauq vi se. Munir Niazi jeay

* 24 poor orphan students under Aitchison Governor scholarship I introduced are doing very well.

* I have taken leave from the affairs of state to master my new iPad. Who says politicians cannot be techies?

* I was driving today without security talking on the phone and a policeman challaan’ed me. I had to explain I have constitutional immunity! I still paid my fine.

* Nothing in the Constitution prohibits a Governor from being member of a political party. So-called Non-political governors turn out the worst.

* A politician’s personal spending habits are his business as long as he is not stealing from the Government. I know many frugal thieves – we are not Gandhi.

* Nobody has accused me of a fake degree. NRO safe passage, bank default, tax fraud. Kya baat hae? Maza nahin a raha. I’m feeling left out!

* A judicial coup cannot work in Pakistan. The only formula is democracy, democracy and more democracy.

* The best thing about the APML (2) is that both their leaders Chaudhry Shujaat and Pir Pagaro can’t speak.

* One thing is clear from WikiLeaks – that elected persons with peoples mandate don’t run Pakistan. Makes elections pointless.

* Corruption! I believe rich and wealthy are more susceptible to greed than the poor.

* It is the rich educated and privileged who have destroyed Pakistan, not the poor illiterate and dispossessed.

* For the last 48 hours I’ve been trying to sell Pakistan to US investors in the background of Kasab – now Faisal Shehzad! Chalo himat na haro

* My wit is not appreciated by all. Someone agitated ‘no governor in the universe Twitters like you’. I took it as a compliment.

* Doctors have become an endangered species… I am going to recommend a wildlife fund to take out the panda and put in the Pakistani doctor.

* Twitter is off my BB so I’m using my iPad now. I assume my silence these past few days must have been devastating.

* PM spoke for 3 minutes to give General Kiyani 3 year extension… Suppose he had spoken for 10 mins?!

* Tried for Angelina Jolie to accompany me to Muzaffargarh to visit flood victims but got Farzana Raja. Sare khawashat pure Nahin hote.

* I think Angelina Jolie who donated $100,000 for Flood victims is the real “daughter of Pakistan”, not Aafia

* Watching horror movie on HBO or Rana Sanaullah Ijaz Haq Ikram Sehgal on talk shows? Chose HBO as its less scary.

* Just don’t push me over the LOC! RT @marvi_memon: @SalmaanTaseer U r cordially invited. U must make a dhoohandaar speech. My only demand.

* Abdul Razzaq is the Asma Jehangir of one day cricket.

* A thief stole my credit card a week ago but I didn’t report it because I saw he was spending less money than my wife. True!

* Its 6 am child reciting naat on Masjid loudspeaker to tune of “Muni badnam ho gaye darling tere leye” when does this madness stop?

* Najam Sethi joins GEO. Is this a case of Razia gondon mein phass gaye?

* I have an Iphone Ipad & now a Samsung Galaxy. Fully armed and dangerous !

* It’s my observation that whether it’s politics journalism or social issues the worst enemy of women are women

* Btw those apt comments on Ansar Abbasi were not mine I merely retweeted them. My own opinion is worse Having a small dinner tonight 4 new US Ambassador Cameron Muenter & Marlyn his wife. Try not 2 discuss Wikileaks

* Ostrich at my farm who I assumed was male and named Mandela laid an egg last week! I’ve renamed her Winnie.

* Spent four hours with experts discussing water distribution, power, reservoirs, Kalabagh, irrigation systems and other dams. We have to build Kalabagh Dam.

* The Punjab Assembly has followed my line and come out in support of Kalabagh Dam. It is a must for Pakistan.

* Today I’ve launched my special project with Engineering University students and teachers who will construct Shujabad, a village destroyed by floods

* Heading to Shujabad Nawabpur where I have completed houses and a masjid I started 26 days ago with students. 150 more in Kot Addu

* Press suffers from suspect and scam mania. Wild accusations to get eyeballs. Every government transaction is attacked. How can we progress?

* After a certain politician’s latest assault on the microphones at Alhambra & hysteria ppl r urging me 2 invoke Art 63(1) (a) . Dismissal 4 insanity

* Any relation of Husain Haqqani? RT@Pakistannews: Nasiruddin Haqqani arrested

* Apple is worth more than $300bn. In other words much much more than 180 mn Pakistanis. Something our politicians shud think about

* Peace prosperity & happiness for The New Year. 1 -1 – 11. I’m full of optimism

See the link:http://www.dailytimes.com.pk/national/04-Jan-2015/the-lighter-side-of-taseer